If I Don't Know How to Love You
by Chippen Kitten
Summary: "...I'll leave you be." Based off of Can't Go Home Again.


**so, uh, yea, we're basically just diving into ennard's head back when he was all Scott-crazy? yeah.**

 **thanks to Lonecloud for being such an awesome beta to all my crazy fics**

 **this was actually _really fun_ to write, gosh ennard has such a wide personality, no wonder mable writes him so much**

 **but either way, without further ado, enjoy!**

* * *

Angry isn't the word to describe you.

You've kind of gone and surpassed that point now, completely fuming and vindictive in your hapless fury. Hapless, because, against all the odds, you don't _like_ this.

Scott's leaving you _again_. Sure, he's scared, and why shouldn't he be, since you decided that it was a good idea to listen to your programming, but he's still _leaving_. You thought he loved you. Maybe you were wrong.

You aren't really sure how it happens, but a few seconds after they've left, you're up like a magnet, up like a light, making a beeline to the fuse box just to make sure he doesn't get any hopes of exiting the building. You made a promise to yourself, and you're _god damn_ going to keep it. You've waited this long, fought this hard, and the only way Scott leaves this god-forsaken building is with you inside him.

You're doing the right thing. This is for the both of you. You and him. Ennard and Scott. It's all you've ever wanted.

As you climb into the intercom control station, you set up the wires and press different buttons, and they all obey your command without fail, and you sigh, frustrated. Why couldn't Scott be like that? If he'd just left it alone, followed directions, then Mike and Mari wouldn't've had to get hurt, and the two of you'd be together, forever—you'd never be apart.

Why wouldn't he understand that this wasn't just for _you?_ You'd sat there and listened to him rant on and on about how awful things were back when he worked for William, and the fool didn't even treat him right. Now here you were, doing your best for him, and he up and leaves you?

You snarl as you flip one last switch. Not on your watch. Not again.

"I-I-I hope you d-di-didn't thiiink you were-were leaving so sooon!" you chime, trying to sound for the world like you were happy and weren't currently planning homicide. "Sc-Scott, you wouldn't leave me! I-I kn- _know_ you wouldn't! We-we— _together_!"

You glare aimlessly as your voice crackles. You wished you sounded better for him. You can only imagine him covering his ears. You shake your head and shove those thoughts away. Everything would be better once he was with you again.

Right?

"Ennard."

Right.

You tremble a little and an unbidden excited jolt runs up your spine when you hear him. You don't know why, but you feel a little better. More like yourself, and you're glad he's okay. Now, all that was left was to—

You glance at the controls. You had to bring him down. That's the whole reason you're here, right? He's the only body you want, the only one you need. You continue.

"There you aaaare! I-I almost missed you!" You laugh a little to yourself, because ha, _missed_ , and then you laugh harder, until it's not just your voice box that's shaking, it's you, from head to toe, completely uncontrollably. "It's okay , I forgive you for hurting me. I know you're scared, and I-and I hurt you too." You glare at your hands, reprimanding yourself for even thinking about harming a hair on his head. "But don't worry—we're aaall even!" You smile a little. "I don't have to come up if you come down."

"Ennard," he says, firmly. "I'm _not_ coming back down."

You're smile warps and you resist ripping the mic from its post. "That's okay," you say, "I'll just come **_for you_**." You don't remember the warning in your voice being so harsh. "I-I'll be there soon!"

"No, Ennard, _stop_."

His voice is uncharacteristically steady, so much so that you _do_ stop, sitting up straight in your seat in surprise.

"Please... _please_ don't do this to yourself. You're just gonna hurt yourself more in the process."

Scott's such a _sweetheart_ , you decide. He cares so much about you.

You glance to the side. So then why was he so willing to leave?

 _He's just scared. He doesn't understand. You need to make him understand._

You start to speak when he cuts you off. "I know. I know you don't understand it. You don't understand anything except that for some reason you...you would want to exist inside a human body."

 _No_ , a thought comes up immediately. _He's_ _lying. You can't believe him. He doesn't_ _get it_.

"It's your programming, Ennard. The ones that you're made from, those animatronics...they were made by someone. Someone who just...who would hurt anyone. He'd make animatronics just so that they could hurt other people. And..." he hesitates. "I don't think they knew they were made like that."

 _No, no, no._ You...you have to get up there. _He's not making any sense._

"He's making _perfect_ sense," you whisper to yourself. You glance up to the window and do a double take—you're looking worse for wear, an ungodly amount of slashes dotting your chest and arms, and you're startled when you start to realize how tired you are.

"I don't know if you lied the entire time, but...I really did enjoy our time together. And there—there is a part of me that does still care about you, even thought you probably only wanted me to come down here." You're holding your head in your hands. If you let go, would you shake your head or nod? "Despite everything I...I don't wanna leave you down here. I wanted to bring you home. But you wouldn't let me, and now you won't even let me leave. You—you're willing to _kill me_ for my _skin_."

You can hear the inflections in his voice over the age of the intercom system as his words echo through the building. You're going to make him _cry_. You're making him _upset_.

In fact, the more that you think about it, the more that you realize that everything happening to him is all because of you. Why did he come? To bring you home. Why is he hurt? Because you did it. And why is he still here, trapped who knows how many feet above you, in an elevator with virtually no comfort?

It's all because of _you, you, you._

"You're probably not even hearing any of this, and if you are you probably don't even _care_ —" His...his voice _broke_. "—but I still need to say it."

 _You can't let him leave,_ your thoughts find you, but they don't feel like yours; artificial and fake and _cold_. _You need him, remember?_

"But I don't need _this_ ," you reply to yourself quietly. You're sure to yourself that you love him more than anything, after all he's been put through and all that he's done for you. He doesn't deserve to be treated like the last one. Not again.

On top of that, what's love if it's not with him? Do you _really_ know how to love him? What if you're just another William, treating him worse than he ever did, and it's a dagger that cuts straight through your metaphorical heart so deeply because of how different it all is. Scott is sure Will didn't love him.

But he loves _you_.

And here you are.

"Ennard," Scott begins quietly, and you can only glance up at the ceiling, where you think he might be. "If there's any part of you that isn't lost to this, if there's _any_ shred of you that cares about me...then you let me go. This is a life or death decision, Ennard. You let me go home, or you let me die."

It was as if his last few words let the thoughts off like a leash. In an instant the full force of your anger returns and you collapse to the floor, holding your head, shaking, feeling _so much_. You need to let him go, but _you can't let him leave without you_. You love him for everything he's done, but you _hate—you hate that he makes you feel like this._

You—you _need_ — _you need this for you and him. Scott and Enna_ —you can't just let him die— _You can't just let him leave_ —no, no, no, not like thi— _without you._

You stand up shakily and fiercely push those thoughts aside, staggering as you walk aimlessly to the fuse box. If there's one thing you know and understand about you, one thing that can't be taken away no matter how much code you have, it's that you love him, regardless if he reciprocates, and you don't want him to feel like this anymore.

Besides...is it love, if you take him? If he dies in one of the worst ways possible by your hands? Or is it love if you leave him be, let him go, and let him leave?

You already know which choice you want.

You move your hand, hesitantly, quietly, and _click_ , and then the power's back on, the elevator continues in its ascent, and you realize, vacantly, that you're still screaming.


End file.
